May 2, 2011

I'm too mild for this blog.

Hey you mild readers,

I didn't intend to mildly disappear but I did something extremely mild which involves mildly stepping back into the world of *gasp* dating and for some reason, I am too tired and/or perplexed to update my blog about being too tired and perplexed.

But rest assured, it has all been MORE MILD THAN MILD and I am here to update you with a list of the mildest things I have done as of late:

1. I have been mildly working on my writing. I guess that's not actually very mild except it means I stay home and WRITE. It's funny because I started this blog as a way to force myself to write frequently, but then I realized the "other" stuff I wanted to write wasn't getting written, so I mildly forced myself into a break from this blog. Mild SIGH.

2. Did you read the survey NME posted about Coldplay fans being the "least likely to have sex on a first date"? I mean, DUH. I am pretty sure Coldplay fans are even too mild for this blog. They are followed closely by Adele fans which made me quickly hide my Adele CD in the car.

3. Text I received from a 29-year old female friend yesterday: "Had a chair massage today was painfully necessary...Must, must do it on the regular." WE ARE ON OUR MILD WAY TO BEING MILD TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN. Take care of your backs, ladies.

4. I have decided that part of mild trepedation in dating comes from seeing the film LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR. If you are a single woman living alone, MAYBE DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE. It pretty much instills as much fear as watching the news or reading the newspaper...mixed with a dash of watching too many Lifetime movies while visiting your parents when you're on vacation (Wait, we all don't take vacations to our parents house at age 30?). Though, don't get me wrong, it is an extrememly well-crafted film. I just wish it didn't have to have such a bleak ending for a single woman who just wants to play the field. And by bleak, I mean DEVASTATING and TRAUMATIZING. It's cool, it just reminds me I am actually Looking for Mr. MILDBAR.

5. Dates aside, the most meaningful interaction with a man I've had recently comes in the form of letterwriting. How 1800s-mild-style of me is that? He writes such good letters, that I find myself looking up certain words he uses in the Dictionary (Lets not talk about my mild history with the Dictionary), not because I don't know what they mean, but because I am intrigued by the way he is using certain words. I want to remember the word's exact meaning up against his sentence strcuture. Is it beyond mild that I almost wrote "hubba" there? Sigh.

6. Oh, you want to hear something mild? I had a male-friend sent an EDIBLE BOUQUET last week for his birthday. It was like a million dollars and arrived in what could only be described as a ceramic tennis bar. It was his 29th birthday. He is a straight guy. It was delivered to his work. ENOUGH SAID. I hit that tennis ball into the mild park.

7. Yesterday, I took some photos with my cat. SURPRISE.

8. One of my best female friends tried to join an online dating site and they suggested for her user names with "icious" and "taco" at the end of them. I felt like that must have been a cruel joke on the part of the site. I mean, can you imagine if I was called CATHYLICIOUS or CATHY_TACO. What an "amazing" dating time I would have...

9. PARENTHOOD. The show. It's about as mild as TV can get. A real drama about family. Sometimes, it makes me mildly cry. I watch it for free on Hulu because I am mildly broke.

10. MEEK'S CUTOFF. Not mild at all, but minimal as all hell. Definitely see it. A hero for girls gone mild. (A new independent film if you've been mildly living under a rock.)

11. I am really good at helping friends in a couple of different ways. I can help someone mildly polish up their resume. I can also help someone not be so mild by BEING THEIR WINGMAN. Or as I like to say, WINGPERSON. Yes friends, I am a mild wingperson. I am also a mild accidental headhunter.

12. THIS blog is pretty mildly awesome.

13. I rejoined my old gym and think there should just be a gym called LAW AND EATING DISORDER where you just work out for 8-hours straight while a Law & Order marathon plays. We could all totally rock that workout. At least I, mildly could...

14. Yesterday, I Feng Shui-ed my apartment. Specifically, this element of it: TIPS FOR ATTRACTING LOVE No comment.

15. Meanwhile, my cat is mildly feasting on a raw rabbit diet. Totally not mild. Totally kind of French. Totally kind of OUT OF MILD CONTROL.

16. I may have actually done research before purchasing a new garbage can. (BEYOND MILD)

17. Last Sunday, you know, EASTER SUNDAY a female friend and me (as if I had any other kind) tried to get pizza and the pizza place was closed FOR EASTER. What kind of mild pizza show are they running?

To be continued at another mild date.

--Cathy de la Mild

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