May 26, 2011

The Good, The Bad, and the Mild

You know you're mild when your astrologer won't call you back. I'm sure she doesn't want to waste my money telling me how MILD the next couple of years are going to be.

Hey guess what? Texas is still pretty mild. Today, I woke up after 10 mildly amazing hours of sleep and got dressed for the sole purpose of driving to a place called TACO CABANA. I proceeded to get a cheese enchilada PLATE (like a full meal, y'all) and a "Strawberry Cream" soda (I had to put that in quotes because how can it be like a real THING?) through the DRIVE-THRU and then headed back home where I ate while watching Law and (Eating Dis) Order.

Then I got bailed on BY MY SISTER. We were supposed to see BRIDESMAIDS but I movie-cheated on her and saw it a couple of days ago with a friend. So then we were supposed to get manicure/pedicures which is so ridiculous and makes it sound like I am mildly more than a little girly, but really it's more like I am so not girly I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO MY NAILS WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE COURTNEY LOVE. It's sad, but mildly true. All of the sudden, I have nail polish on my forehead and I'm wearing ripped fishnets under a babydoll dress. Sigh. Anyway, my sister BAILED. I am too mild for my older sister on her day off apparently.

So I drowned myself in ONE MARGARITA. Again, I couldn't drink more than ONE margarita. I started to feel woozy and I looked across the restaurant and there was nothing but older women in groups at happy hour. I, at 30 took my female (duh) friend and I to an OLDER LADIES HAPPY HOUR. I had no idea. I just have mild GGM radar. Anyway, I looked across the room and I kid you not, ONE OF THE WOMEN WAS HAVING A HOT FLASH. She had a towel on her forehead and was shoving ice down her shirt. Not even mildly kidding you.

After this, I went to the mall where I saw the ultimate Girls Gone Mild giant cookie:

Pretty mildly AWESOME. I know what I'm bringing to the next potluck.

If you weren't sure, I am too mild to drive one hour to Austin to not be mild even though I drive two hours a day 5-days a week in California TO BE MILD.

Today, my best friend since the 9th grade sent me a photo of her Dad passed out after watching 7 episodes of CHEERS in a row. DADS GONE MILD!

I am so glad I have Monday off. I'll need to get really mild with my apartment after having not been there for 10 days.

I just got an email that a PUPPET THEATER I like, that they updated their Facebook page. I'll never forget the Friday morning I went into work a whole hour late so I could catch an a.m. PUPPET PERFORMANCE after drinking fresh juice at a local cafe. I had a houseguest and I think she was like "Please god, just let me sleep in." But I wanted to show her what a mild good time we could have AT 9AM.

What can I say? I'm a mild maniac.

Mildly yours,

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