November 9, 2011

All the Mild Horses

Well, I'm back.

Sorry it took so long, but November has been off to a mildly busy start. I mean, mostly I've been listening to this song on repeat:

while pretending I am a teenage girl lovelorn for some older dude who doesn't give a sh*t about me, while I write poetry for my all-girls high school literary magazine. OH WAIT, I REALLY DID THAT. But while listening to punk rock.

I've been mildly sick with a cold, my third un-mild cold this year and today I didn't get out of my pajamas once and watched ONE episode of Grey's Anatomy. I mean, seriously. That's about as mildly productive as things got. Just kidding. I woke up at like 7am and went grocery shopping and then came home and passed out again. It was super weird--like I was faking out the day by running an errand that early and it didn't count as "leaving the house". Mild sigh. But I did venture out this week for acupuncture and cupping. Check out the mild marks on my back:

One of my friends who is mildly freaked out by skin irritation said those photos almost gave her hives. NO BIG DEAL. Um...mildly, I'm kind of an intense person sometimes.

Penelope Trunk is kind of my blogger-hero and she's having a BLOGGING BOOTCAMP. I want to sign up for it, but it's $200!

Is it mildly sad that that my second to last "end of things" with a person of the male persuasion can be concisely summed up in an episode of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER called "The Slutty Pumpkin Returns"? No comment.

Makes sense. Katie Holmes seems pretty mild. Also, he didn't get her sense of humor. SO SAD. Um...not speaking from personal mild experience or anything.

So I'm pretty sure while walking to the park ALONE (of course) yesterday, I think the last person I had an "end of things" with DROVE PAST ME WITH HIS MOM! AND LOOKED THE OTHER WAY! There are so many mild things about this. It's like the WHERE'S WALDO of mildness except WALDO IS EVERYWHERE. And I seriously think that same dude DELETED ME FROM GOOGLE+. That's pretty much the most mild internet diss ever SINCE NO ONE POSTS THERE.

Mild sigh.

This is pretty great. Reminds me of the time an ex and I broke up at RED ROBIN.

Because nothing says "Our love is ending" like a hamburger being eaten in public. I remember crying when the waitress came to take our order. Mildly AWKWARD. And to be fair, we were eating veggie burgers. Nothing says "Our love is ending" like a VEGGIE BURGER.

It seems really mild of Drake to pick on Tumblr, but being as how I'm a Blogspot girl myself...DRAKE IS AMAZING.

Oh. I know it's mildly the middle of the week, but guess what I did last Friday night? Lets just it was T-G-I-MILD! I was given a raw pizza from work (it's a long story) that was so big it WOULDN'T FIT IN MY SINGLE-GIRL-BACHERETTE OVEN so I had to cut the raw pizza in half to which my co-worker responded upon my telling her:

"How do you cook for your sister wives in a mini oven???!?!"

What did she mean by sister wife, you ask? Well, check out the outfit I wore to work that day:

Mildly sister wife style 2011.

This week, I met my landlord for the first time even though I've lived in my apartment for a mild YEAR AND A HALF. He seriously came over while I was in pajamas in the middle of the day watching internet TV. My place was a mess and of course he was REALLY handsome or it's that thing where I'm hungry and every man looks like a sandwich. Kind of like how I was convinced my neighbor looked like Gerard Butler WHEN I WAS DRUNK. Anyway, it made me compile a list of inappropriate men to date:

Your landlord
Your doctor
Your student's parents
Your ex's best friend
A distant family member
Etc, etc.

Please feel free to mildly add to the list in the comments section.

This Kelly Oxford quote was pretty much my favorite thing today:

"FYI- If I die in the next few months, please know that I plan on coming back as Beyonce and Jay-Z's baby."

Because you all mildly liked the first film I ever made when I was 18, maybe you'll like the first VIDEO I ever made when I was 19:

I was hanging out with a fairly mild man this past weekend and he told me one of his best guy friends took his wife's last name. MILDLY IMPRESSIVE.

And on a final note, I seriously just text messaged a friend's older sister to arrange a time to PICK UP A TYPEWRITER I AM BORROWING.

Keepin' it mild style,