May 31, 2011

All That Mild Allows

Every mild girl needs a longtime best friend to bring out the drama queen in her. (Yes, he even took me to prom a million years ago.)

We actually thought we looked better with green faces.

And in a tank.

PhotoBooth keeps it mildly narcissistic, y'all!


May 30, 2011

Desperately Seeking Mild.

So I am back from the land of Texas-size everything.

The majority of my "vacation" looked like this:

You know, me with wet hair post-swimming, in a t-shirt and shorts on my parents strangely uncomfortable couch (it's like they want you to spend as little time in front of their cable TV as possible...they know me so well) watching about 27 Law and Order episodes in a row.

I was so mild, I started taking photos of myself that looked like this.

It's kind of like my mild essence was trying to GO TOWARD THE LIGHT...but not to fret, my mildness will never die.

See you on the other side OF MILD,

May 26, 2011

The Good, The Bad, and the Mild

You know you're mild when your astrologer won't call you back. I'm sure she doesn't want to waste my money telling me how MILD the next couple of years are going to be.

Hey guess what? Texas is still pretty mild. Today, I woke up after 10 mildly amazing hours of sleep and got dressed for the sole purpose of driving to a place called TACO CABANA. I proceeded to get a cheese enchilada PLATE (like a full meal, y'all) and a "Strawberry Cream" soda (I had to put that in quotes because how can it be like a real THING?) through the DRIVE-THRU and then headed back home where I ate while watching Law and (Eating Dis) Order.

Then I got bailed on BY MY SISTER. We were supposed to see BRIDESMAIDS but I movie-cheated on her and saw it a couple of days ago with a friend. So then we were supposed to get manicure/pedicures which is so ridiculous and makes it sound like I am mildly more than a little girly, but really it's more like I am so not girly I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO MY NAILS WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE COURTNEY LOVE. It's sad, but mildly true. All of the sudden, I have nail polish on my forehead and I'm wearing ripped fishnets under a babydoll dress. Sigh. Anyway, my sister BAILED. I am too mild for my older sister on her day off apparently.

So I drowned myself in ONE MARGARITA. Again, I couldn't drink more than ONE margarita. I started to feel woozy and I looked across the restaurant and there was nothing but older women in groups at happy hour. I, at 30 took my female (duh) friend and I to an OLDER LADIES HAPPY HOUR. I had no idea. I just have mild GGM radar. Anyway, I looked across the room and I kid you not, ONE OF THE WOMEN WAS HAVING A HOT FLASH. She had a towel on her forehead and was shoving ice down her shirt. Not even mildly kidding you.

After this, I went to the mall where I saw the ultimate Girls Gone Mild giant cookie:

Pretty mildly AWESOME. I know what I'm bringing to the next potluck.

If you weren't sure, I am too mild to drive one hour to Austin to not be mild even though I drive two hours a day 5-days a week in California TO BE MILD.

Today, my best friend since the 9th grade sent me a photo of her Dad passed out after watching 7 episodes of CHEERS in a row. DADS GONE MILD!

I am so glad I have Monday off. I'll need to get really mild with my apartment after having not been there for 10 days.

I just got an email that a PUPPET THEATER I like, that they updated their Facebook page. I'll never forget the Friday morning I went into work a whole hour late so I could catch an a.m. PUPPET PERFORMANCE after drinking fresh juice at a local cafe. I had a houseguest and I think she was like "Please god, just let me sleep in." But I wanted to show her what a mild good time we could have AT 9AM.

What can I say? I'm a mild maniac.

Mildly yours,

May 24, 2011

Girls Just Wanna Have Mild.

Hi everyone,

I am writing this still at "home" in Texas visting my family. I have flannel pajamas with flowers on them. Mild, I know. (Here is a photo of my older sister and me in Texas a million years a go. Please not the mild crazy cat ladyness started early.)

I told a guy about how excited I was about next week's New Moon AND Solar Eclipse and realize how obscenely mild that must have sounded.

Do you read Penelope Trunk? I think she's absolutely fantastic and last night, I accidentally "liked" (on Facebook) an article of hers called "How to date your co-worker" forgetting how it would show up loud and clear on my Facebook page and then immediately erased. What a mild brush with work-gossip. Especially since I am Facebook friends WITH my co-workers. If they only knew how mild I am.

Today, I cooked my parents a dinner comprised of pesto salmon, bell pepper quinoa and portabella mushrooms. Mildly delicious. Mildly making up for all those years I was NOT a Girls Gone Mild.

A best friend since the 9th grade and I saw BRIDESMAIDS today. I highly recommend it to all in search of a good lady-rom-com. Though I swear one scene almost made people in the audience hurl. Radically mild and un-mild all at once. Go Kristin Wiig! (Then that same childhood bff and me took this photo. She made me Photoshop her face from a "better" photo on to her body here.)

Tonight, a straight male friend gave me hair advice over instant message from California. This is how mild my relationships with men are. "Bangs or no bangs?" (Here is a reminder of what bangs looked like.)

I am mildly impressed with myself not having checked my work email in 4 days now! And I kept my cell phone turned off for 24 whopping hours yesterday.

I got asked out by a very handsome man today. I think he wears suits all the time though. I am mildly intimidated. I long for the days when men neither dressed better or worse than me. Can't we just meet in the Mild middle of fashion?

Goodnight mild sweethears,
Cathy de la Mild

May 23, 2011

Let's hear it for the Mild.

Sorry its been about two weeks since I last got mild with it, but seriously peeps--I had to cram 4 weeks of work into the last two since I am currently in the midst of a TEN-DAY VACATION! (And I always work more than I should, the mild math and it'll make sense.)

And by vacation, I mean I'm basically in rehab for Workaholicness at my parent's place in Texas. Just kidding. I'm actually taking a Mild Girl's All Exspenses Paid Dream Vacation. My amazing folks paid for my flight, picked me up from the airport, are giving me room and board, as well as a car to borrow while I'm here all for the price of BEING THEIR DAUGHTER who mildly escaped a VERY mild existence had I chosen to stay here after high school. Yes folks, I haven't officially lived here since 1999! When I did not party like it was...

Anyway, here is a mild update from these here Texas parts:

1. It took me over 24 hours to leave the beyond mild-comfort of my parents house. And when I finally did go out tonight, I drank one margarita and did this:

Rock 'n roll MILD style for sure. I'm posing with my amiga since the 9th grade, Iliana! She has been known to get all mild up on this blog...hopefully she'll start mildly blogging here again soon.

2. Another of my best friends since the 9th grade (who was even too mild to have one margarita tonight) sent me a photo of her father discovering the PhotoBooth feature on a Mac computer for the first time.

I hope I don't get sued for posting these unauthorized GIRLS GONE MILD pics of the year. This site is going to be blowin' up. SHOW US YOUR PARENTS!!!

3. I had two opposite-of-mild animal encounters yesterday. First, at 4am while waiting for the airport shuttle since I am single and only a significant other will take you to the airport that early in the morning (Mildly, THE TRUTH) I was this close to getting skunked. It was comical, but also eerily frighening SINCE I HAD BEEN UP ALL NIGHT CLEANING (for my catsitter, OF COURSE) and (not) packing. Then hours later, once I was home in Tejas, my parent's 3-legged cat who my Mom swears is the reincarnation of her deceased father (mildly absurd, I know) BIT ME ON THE ARM. Maybe it was the Rapture in the air, but there was some serious Girls Gone Mild meets Animals Gone Wild business going on. Luckily, I didn't get skunked and Grandpa-Kitty didn't break the skin.

4. Remember when I mentioned buying a straight male friend of mine a giant fruit basket (like literally, a basket MADE of fruit) for his birthday? Well, here's the photo he took to prove it.

April 27th, 2011

Please note, it's in a TENNIS BALL. Because apparently I think men like fruit and sports. My mild assumptions will get me everywhere. I should make a Girls Gone Mild gift-giving guide. (Just you wait until holiday season rolls around--you'll never be at a loss as what to get your platonic straight male friends again!) GGM FTW.

5. During a massage last week (Yeah, I know I just had one like two weeks ago, but a Mild Girl's gotta do what a Mild Girl's gotta do), I had the most Liz Lemon moment ever when the hunky male massage therapist (yeah, I KNOW, ok) and I somehow mid-90 minute massage got into a mild ARGUMENT about analog vs. digital. It actually took me out of being relaxed for a second and I had to mildly tell him LETS GET BACK TO BUSINESS I mean, LETS NOT TALK ABOUT BUSINESS since analog and digital are pretty much wrapped up in what I do and what think about all the time, hence my mild need for PHYSICAL CONTACT. Just kidding (except I'm not!).

6. Real text message conversation between a friend and me last night (on you know, Saturday night)

Me (out of the blue):
I don't look like Sarah McLachlan do I?!

No, I don't think so. Why?

I got paranoid about being a redhead with a boring hairstyle.

Aw, it's cute, but you can cut it if you want!

What's interesting about that is SHE DIDN'T SAY MY HAIRCUT WASN'T BORING.

Maybe I'll make some mild changes this week.

Yours in mildness,
Cathy de la Mild

May 15, 2011

Gone With the Mild.

Yeah, that's my elderly cat sharing or not sharing a bed with me. SURPRISE.

Yesterday, my horoscope said this and I took it as G-rated, but I don't know if that was just the Mild in me talking:

"This is one of the best influences for all relationships: love affairs, relationships with partners, with coworkers, even with enemies."

I have to say, yesterday was a pretty good day, though it did veer off the mild side to the wild side a bit. Once a month, that seems to happen. I guess 12 days of WILD a year isn't so bad.

I am admitting to the world that I, Cathy de la Cruz am a huge Britney Spears fan. There is nothing mild about her except the fact that she is BRITNEY SPEARS.

I am so mild, I watch HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER every week. Today, I even caught myself TELLING someone about a specific episode. M-I-L-D.

Mild dictionary moment of the last 48 hours: I looked up the word "empathy". Deep deep mild sigh. Have I mentioned that I LOVE THE DICTIONARY?!

I posted a YouTube video of a song I like on my Facebook page and the only person that commented on it was MY GOOD FRIEND'S MOM. MILD MOM MUSIC MANIA.

Speaking of Facebook, that's what photos like THIS were made for. How do you like my new laptop desk? It comes complete with storage/play space for your SENIOR CITIZEN CAT. Gotta keep it mild.

I am pretty sure LONLEY GLASSES = MMMILD. *Thanks to Iliana for the tip. ;)

I don't really know why ABC thinks they can take OPRAH *and* two different soap operas off the air. I think it's going to cause many stay-at-home women to REVOLT. Things are not going to be mild for much longer.

I am going to visit my family on Friday for 10-days of sure to be MILD-CATION. I can't wait to be seduced by an overload of ALL THAT IS MILD ABOUT THIS WORLD. Bring it on, San Antonio, TX, bring it on MILDLY.

I may have eaten a mini-pizza ALONE while watching a LAW AND ORDER marathon yesterday IN PUBLIC and on mute. MILDLY related to my LAW AND EATING DISORDER gym franchise idea?

I am going to teach myself new software to make myself mildly more marketable. HAVE YOU FALLEN ASLEEP AT THE MILD WHEEL YET?!

OK, I may have had pizza today as well. AND ICE CREAM. Oh the ice cream. It was a HOMEMADE DRUMSTICK, y'all. MILDLY IMPOSSIBLE TO KICK OUT OF BED if you know what I mean. Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

And yes, it's next to my $4 glass bottle of water. Mildly RIDICULOUS. Did I mention I was the Grove/Farmer's Market today because my college best friend and me tried to see BRIDESMAIDS but it was MILDLY SOLD OUT?! Bummertown: Population GIRLS GONE MILD.

File under: MAN GONE MILD, but my amazing friend, Patrick Miller is kind of my "DJ DAD" in terms of being the man behind my music playing for many years now. He got me really into the technical and logistical side of DJ-ing. Anyway, he actually sent me this MILDLY AMAZING text message last night and I can't tell you how mildly warm and fuzzy it made me:

"Text me to let me know that everything is rocking or DJ DAD will be up all night worrying."


It feels mildly wonderful to have such mildly beyond awesome friends.

Have a great week, everyone!

May 10, 2011

The Day the Mild Stood Still.

You know who I nominate for the most Mild band in history? THE BLAKE BABIES. If you like mild, you have to listen to them. All of their songs sound like the teen girl stuck in my head, frustrated some dude or dudette doesn't have a crush on me. And that voice is totally unaware that LIFE GOES ON, however mildly or not, but it's OK. That voice is a special one. Also, it feels extra mild coming from someone forced to watch their bandmates make out all the time. And they have sunflowers in their music video. ENOUGH SAID.

Sometimes, I spend Friday night Skypeing with a platonic male friend. T-G-I-MILD!

It got out on the internet that my 18-year old cat eats RAW RABBIT. Now I'm mildly scared all my vegan friends are going to be PISSED. But she still takes soy in her iced latte.

My friend, Becky just started started the unofficial cousin blog of Girls Gone Mild: ADVENTURES IN BACK PAIN! Yowza--is it getting MILD in here?!

Today, I got followed into a Subway restaurant by a homeless man serenading me with acoustic guitar and vocals. It was really intense, mostly because I was trying to order a MEATBALL SUBMARINE SANDWICH for myself. Looking back on it, it probably would have been awkward even if he hadn't been there. MMMild.


P.S.S. It's not even 10:30pm and I'm about to go to bed. I think the M in P.M. stands for...



May 9, 2011

Url's Gone Mild.

I have been listening to sad country music lately--as if there is any other kind of country music. Just kidding. No, but seriously, I am enjoying a lot of weird 70s folk country stuff. MMMILD.

I was telling a perspective suitor my top 5 favorite films and realized one of them is a HOLOCAUST DOCUMENTARY. I realize while this is the opposite of mild, it's probably also a strange thing to tell someone or try to explain to someone right off the bat. O-M-MILD.

I think you all know about my secret love affair with the Dictionary. It turns out I like looking up absolutely simple words to be reminded of their true meaning since they get so overused and separated from their original intention. Today, I looked up the word "beautiful" because last night this total gentleman told me that is what I was. Mildly "Awww"-worthy. Seriously, IT'S HIP TO BE MILD.

On Saturday, my boss gave me a bouquet of flowers AND a one-hour massage gift certificate as a thank you for all my hard work this academic year. I kid you not, I immediately called the massage place and made an appointment for a massage and recieved it within TWO HOURS of recieving the gift card. MILD MASSAGE MANIA. Yes, please. And ladies, just like a cat will keep you from being depressed, a massage will keep you from being so...MILDLY INSANE.

If you think I post a lot of cat photos here, YOU SHOULD SEE MY FACEBOOK PAGE. No you shouldn't actually, since it is mildly PRIVATE.

Also, my name is Cathy and I might be a CAT SPAMMER. I send my friends photos of my cat ALL THE TIME. While out on a date last night (I know, it's hard to believe, oh Mild Ones, but it's true), the fellow I was with actually started showing me photos of his BROTHER'S CAT on his cell phone. I knew I had met my Mild Match.

Sometimes when people I respect ask me my take on a film, I avoid the subject for a couple of days and then rent it so I can in fact, have an opinion. My love of talking about cinema is a MILD DISEASE.

Meredith Viera crying as she announced she was leaving the TODAY show kind of made me teary eyed this morning. MILDLY HARD FOR EVEN ME TO BELIEVE. But I think the idea of this woman who comes off as super strong and powerful needing to leave a job she seems to love so she can be with her husband who seems extremely ill, was just so mildly sad.

In lighter news, I may have fed my cat a piece of pizza today. And by "may have", I mean, I DID.

On Saturday night, I seriously layed in bed watching THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST. Mildly catching up on movies I meant to see, oh I don't know, FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.

Oh, tonight my friend Lan and me went out for margaritas. It started raining as soon as we got out of the car and I needed to MILDLY protect my hair from the elements.

Mildest thing a man has said to me today: "I'm not an astrophysicist...YET."

Until next time,

May 5, 2011

Cinco de Mild.

Here's how my day went down yesterday:

I woke up earlier than I needed to. Thanks, Mild internal clock.

I went to the local coffee shop where the woman in front of me was getting some MAJOR flirting going on with the barista. IT WAS 9AM. How can anyone be un-mild enough to flirt that early?! I just wanted my Non-Fat Mild Latte. Sigh.

Work was busy busy busy. I'll post a picture of my DESK GONE WILD later. It's a little too risque for 7am.

After work, I went to the gym in a t-shirt that actually said "I don't give a ____." I don't actually know if that's mild or not, but I can tell you that the new personal trainer I worked out with is MILDY FOXY and because I just assume he would never be attracted to me (Mild low self esteem), I am SUPER RELAXED around him, like we're old buddies. It's kind of like the first and only time I went to a male strip club and the very sexy "Alejandro from Guadalajara" (I am mildly skeptical either of those things were true) came up to me after gyrating on stage and said "Hey, IS YOUR FRIEND SEEING ANYONE?"--like we were longtime friends and all I could think was "Didn't I just put dollars down your pants!? Can't you at least to PRETEND to find me attractive for a few seconds." Sigh. Well, that's kind of the opposite scenario. A more truly accurate similar scenario would be in high school when I worked at an indie movie theater (of course) and this SUPER HOT guy always came to see movies alone and said he wanted to hang out SO I ASSUMED HE WAS GAY and tried to set him up with a male co-worker. Lets just say he WASN'T GAY and we never spoke again. So anyway, I have a history of becoming eerily calm around men I think are too sexy for my Mild.

Then, in my gym clothes I went to hang out with my amazing friend, Katie. Katie is a crazy-talented artist, friend and well, ALL AROUND AWESOME PERSON. We both got REALLY INTO OUR MILDNESS and walked to a nearby bar IN OUR GYM CLOTHES. Well, to be fair, Katie was in her painting clothes--I WAS IN MY GYM CLOTHES. But anyway, if you can basically imagine two sweaty women in workout clothes (sweatpants and a "I don't give a ____" shirt) AT A BAR drinking whisky, then you pretty much know what a Girls Gone Mild NIGHT ON THE TOWN looks like.

Above is Katie in her mildly fantastic kitchen. She is making breakfast-for-dinner at 10pm and yes, that is Pope John Paul. Mildly amazing.


May 3, 2011

I think you know what I'm filing these photos under...


"I wear sweater vests when it isn't cold."

"I even read standing up."

Cathy de la Mild

May 2, 2011

I'm too mild for this blog.

Hey you mild readers,

I didn't intend to mildly disappear but I did something extremely mild which involves mildly stepping back into the world of *gasp* dating and for some reason, I am too tired and/or perplexed to update my blog about being too tired and perplexed.

But rest assured, it has all been MORE MILD THAN MILD and I am here to update you with a list of the mildest things I have done as of late:

1. I have been mildly working on my writing. I guess that's not actually very mild except it means I stay home and WRITE. It's funny because I started this blog as a way to force myself to write frequently, but then I realized the "other" stuff I wanted to write wasn't getting written, so I mildly forced myself into a break from this blog. Mild SIGH.

2. Did you read the survey NME posted about Coldplay fans being the "least likely to have sex on a first date"? I mean, DUH. I am pretty sure Coldplay fans are even too mild for this blog. They are followed closely by Adele fans which made me quickly hide my Adele CD in the car.

3. Text I received from a 29-year old female friend yesterday: "Had a chair massage today was painfully necessary...Must, must do it on the regular." WE ARE ON OUR MILD WAY TO BEING MILD TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN. Take care of your backs, ladies.

4. I have decided that part of mild trepedation in dating comes from seeing the film LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR. If you are a single woman living alone, MAYBE DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE. It pretty much instills as much fear as watching the news or reading the newspaper...mixed with a dash of watching too many Lifetime movies while visiting your parents when you're on vacation (Wait, we all don't take vacations to our parents house at age 30?). Though, don't get me wrong, it is an extrememly well-crafted film. I just wish it didn't have to have such a bleak ending for a single woman who just wants to play the field. And by bleak, I mean DEVASTATING and TRAUMATIZING. It's cool, it just reminds me I am actually Looking for Mr. MILDBAR.

5. Dates aside, the most meaningful interaction with a man I've had recently comes in the form of letterwriting. How 1800s-mild-style of me is that? He writes such good letters, that I find myself looking up certain words he uses in the Dictionary (Lets not talk about my mild history with the Dictionary), not because I don't know what they mean, but because I am intrigued by the way he is using certain words. I want to remember the word's exact meaning up against his sentence strcuture. Is it beyond mild that I almost wrote "hubba" there? Sigh.

6. Oh, you want to hear something mild? I had a male-friend sent an EDIBLE BOUQUET last week for his birthday. It was like a million dollars and arrived in what could only be described as a ceramic tennis bar. It was his 29th birthday. He is a straight guy. It was delivered to his work. ENOUGH SAID. I hit that tennis ball into the mild park.

7. Yesterday, I took some photos with my cat. SURPRISE.

8. One of my best female friends tried to join an online dating site and they suggested for her user names with "icious" and "taco" at the end of them. I felt like that must have been a cruel joke on the part of the site. I mean, can you imagine if I was called CATHYLICIOUS or CATHY_TACO. What an "amazing" dating time I would have...

9. PARENTHOOD. The show. It's about as mild as TV can get. A real drama about family. Sometimes, it makes me mildly cry. I watch it for free on Hulu because I am mildly broke.

10. MEEK'S CUTOFF. Not mild at all, but minimal as all hell. Definitely see it. A hero for girls gone mild. (A new independent film if you've been mildly living under a rock.)

11. I am really good at helping friends in a couple of different ways. I can help someone mildly polish up their resume. I can also help someone not be so mild by BEING THEIR WINGMAN. Or as I like to say, WINGPERSON. Yes friends, I am a mild wingperson. I am also a mild accidental headhunter.

12. THIS blog is pretty mildly awesome.

13. I rejoined my old gym and think there should just be a gym called LAW AND EATING DISORDER where you just work out for 8-hours straight while a Law & Order marathon plays. We could all totally rock that workout. At least I, mildly could...

14. Yesterday, I Feng Shui-ed my apartment. Specifically, this element of it: TIPS FOR ATTRACTING LOVE No comment.

15. Meanwhile, my cat is mildly feasting on a raw rabbit diet. Totally not mild. Totally kind of French. Totally kind of OUT OF MILD CONTROL.

16. I may have actually done research before purchasing a new garbage can. (BEYOND MILD)

17. Last Sunday, you know, EASTER SUNDAY a female friend and me (as if I had any other kind) tried to get pizza and the pizza place was closed FOR EASTER. What kind of mild pizza show are they running?

To be continued at another mild date.

--Cathy de la Mild