August 23, 2011

Mildly back in business.

The mild tears have been shed over the cat in the cowboy hat below this entry. In fact, the tears are still presently being shed. And as my co-worker said, "Girl, you can cry if the fax machine doesn't work right now, and I'll understand."

But I will try and update you because it's good for both the blogger and reader to try and mildly move forward, right?

1. My astrologer (yes, I know) sent some ANGELS (dude, I know) to my house this week. I started telling a hometown friend about this on the phone last night and then backtracked and said "Um, you probably think I should be in an insane asylum for talking about this, right?!" to which she said "Um, lets just say this conversation never leaves this room." HA. Well, I guess the conversation has left the room. You know, since I'm just mildly chilling with my three angel buddies as I write this. No big deal...(Crickets)

2. Can we take a moment to talk about how I basically have the music taste of a teen girl mixed with a gay man? Not to say all teen girls and gay men are the same, but if you had to generalize, THAT WOULD BE MY TASTE.

Isn't that like if the Virgin Suicides girls didn't kill themselves, but grew up to make music and had to record their music videos on their laptop and send them off to YouTube since they could never leave the house mixed with that Johnny Cash video for "Hurt"? Um...aka MY FAVORITE THING EVER.

3. Facebook quote of the day: "I wouldn't normally trust a blog called CELESTIAL TWINKLE but what you just said seems pretty accurate."

4. Speaking of Facebook, my page pretty much looks like a cat memorial. Most recent photo posted is:

My amazing friend, Nikki printed out her favorite photo of my deceased cat and attached it to some sage for me. We are beyond mild. We both cried under my orange tree last night. But a mild girl's gotta do what a mild girl's gotta do...

5. Speaking of which, I pretty much just wrote an epic eulogy for my cat. But it's so personal, it would mildly bring you all to tears, so...

6. Changing the subject, have you all seen the video footage of Ryan Gosling BREAKING UP A FIGHT?

Go here if you haven't.

As if the man couldn't be any hotter. He's pretty much a superhero. And his arms are mildly insane. Definition of HUBBA?

7. How's this for mild: some of my best friends are getting married and I'm stuck in that single girl predicament. You know, the one where it SUCKS to go to a wedding alone, but it's even worse to ask someone you aren't really dating TO GO TO A WEDDING WITH YOU. It's really a lose-lose until the magic of the Open Bar kicks in.

8. Most mild Google search currently in my Browser history: "Remedies for swollen eyelids from crying too much". WOW.

9. Two more days until THIS hell is over.

10. You know what's mild? Sending out Thank You letters/cards. There is really just nothing more mild than that. I'm not even going to explain it to you. MILD.

11. Second most mild Google search currently in my Browser history: "How to delete a web cookie". O.M.G.

12. Not to dwell, but I totally inquired how much it would be to bury Earl IN THE L.A. PET CEMETERY. Way to take it to the mild edge, right? Unfortunately, they weren't very friendly to me (maybe they are understaffed?) and I like the idea of this little cat being with that the ultimate Mild way to freak prospective dates out? CAT ASHES.

13. Mild trait I am trying desperately to rid myself of: Googling prospective date's ex's. Like seriously. WORST INTERNET MASOCHISM EVER. If someone could hypnotize me to never Google someone's ex again, that would be awesome.

14. You know what's mildly creepy? That the cousin of someone I went on an online date with LOOKS AT MY ONLINE DATING PROFILE PRACTICALLY EVERY OTHER DAY. I don't want to keep in the family, dude. Please mildly back away.

And speaking of online dating. Similar to real life dating, it has made me afraid of certain things. I am now afraid of men in their 20s BECAUSE THEY ARE CRAZY. And I am also afraid of men in their 30s BECAUSE THEY ARE CRAZY. I am thinking that I have to find a guy that is always the same age as me. Like, we pretty much have to have the same birthday because surely, if he falls one year older or younger than me for even just an hour, HE'LL BE CRAZY.

Sigh. This coming from "I've got three angels visiting me for the weekend."

Seriously mild LOL/OMG/WTF. I'm like a Readers Digest come to life.

I am also fearful of men with Black and White online dating profile pictures. I seriously have online dating PTSD. It's now a very specific kind of guy I will allow into my InBox.

15. Switching over to men I am not afraid will be crazy and ruin my life: hairdressers and massage therapists. I got the best blowout of my life on Sunday night from a man with a yellow poof of hair on his head. I want to marry him. And today, I got the kind of massage that leads to Sex and the City plots from a handsome, buff man WHO USED TO BE IN THE NAVY. Mildly just what I needed.

16. Not to bring us back to depths of my mild despair, but it's pretty weird to all of the sudden not be a pet owner after 3 years. I'm going to have to train myself to not think it's time to buys really $$$ cat food that I can only get at 3 random stores that all close at 7pm and aren't open on Mondays. I guess I won't miss that, but it's mildly bizarre and will take some time getting used to.

17. Are you ready for a huge dose of mild? Tomorrow night, I'm going to spend the evening making TISSUE PAPER FLOWERS for my friend's wedding? She promised alcohol.

18. You know what's mildly annoying? People dating people with the same name as them. Like seriously, I don't even want to know another Cathy much less date one. I'm talking all genders btw.

Yours in mildness,

August 20, 2011

Rest In Peace to the most un-mild cat that the world has ever known.

Earl, I will never forget you.

I will never stop being mild for you.

Sending you love,
Cathy de la Mild

August 12, 2011

August 2, 2011

Today might have been the most mild day of my life.

I woke up at 6am and thought "OH GOD. DO I REALLY HAVE TO GO TO JURY DUTY?!"

Need I say more.

I actually thought it might be worth over $1,000 for being a jury no-show, but alas I am trying to plan a trip to Europe because my mild overseas bff, Kate Hudson (not the actress, though she is also an actress) says "American women are like catnip in Ireland." I mildly believe her.

Anyway, I went to jury duty and the highlight is really this mild summary:

My "business casual" was the floral romper that I accidentally wore Friday, Saturday and Sunday of this past weekend (Whoops) and I only didn't wear it Monday because I was kind of too depressed to get out of my pajamas. But that's another mild story all together. Anyway, in my romper, I lived out my civic duty which included me eating a mini-pizza from yesterday (Mmm-mazing), making googley eyes at this hot potential juror who it kept feeling like I was mildly stalking (I WASN'T!) because on our lunch break and when it was time to go, we both went to our cars which were parked really far away and right next to each other. AWKWARD. I also thought it would be a good idea to bring a REALLY INTENSE DEPRESSING HUNGARIAN BOOK with me to jury duty. Way to make my mind mildly explode. And I quote:

...all normal expectations went by the board and one’s daily habits were disrupted by a sense of ever-spreading all-consuming chaos which rendered the future unpredictable, the past unrecallable and ordinary life so haphazard that people simply assumed that whatever could be imagined might come to pass, that if there were only one door in a building it would no longer open, that wheat would grow head downwards into the earth not out of it, and that, since one could only note the symptoms of disintegration, the reasons for it remaining unfathomable and inconceivable, there was nothing anyone could do except to get a tenacious grip on anything that was still tangible...

That's right, I just quoted Laszlo Krasznahorkai on Girls Gone Mild. Because seriously, I live in a world where I think reading something called THE MELANCHOLY OF RESISTANCE is going to make me seem more approachable. Sigh.

Anyway, after being relieved after EIGHT HOURS of not doing anything, I took myself to yoga where I got so mildly in tune with my body and emotions, I seriously almost cried during half moon! No comment.

And with my pink yoga mat in hand, I impromptu saw CRAZY STUPID LOVE alone...and paid for it WITH A $10 ROLL OF QUARTERS. I am not joking. The best was that it cost $9.50 so the box office guy had to give me 50 cents back. GENIUS. And lets just say, if you want a theatrical GGM heroine, our favorite sarcastic redhead Emma Stone plays a redheaded lawyer who dumps her boring un-hot lawyer-beau for "THAT SUPER HOT GUY IN THE BAR WHO HIT ON ME ONCE". It's like GGM-pornography. Instead of having sex on the first date, which they intend to, she ends up being the one girl he stays up all night TALKING to. I give it the GGM stamp of approval.

Though my local bff, Kate W. said "I'm never taking movie advice from you again. Every time I see the CRAZY STUPID LOVE billboard, I want to crash my car."

Then I came home and Sage-Smudged my cat.

Mild day of the year or ???