August 23, 2011

Mildly back in business.

The mild tears have been shed over the cat in the cowboy hat below this entry. In fact, the tears are still presently being shed. And as my co-worker said, "Girl, you can cry if the fax machine doesn't work right now, and I'll understand."

But I will try and update you because it's good for both the blogger and reader to try and mildly move forward, right?

1. My astrologer (yes, I know) sent some ANGELS (dude, I know) to my house this week. I started telling a hometown friend about this on the phone last night and then backtracked and said "Um, you probably think I should be in an insane asylum for talking about this, right?!" to which she said "Um, lets just say this conversation never leaves this room." HA. Well, I guess the conversation has left the room. You know, since I'm just mildly chilling with my three angel buddies as I write this. No big deal...(Crickets)

2. Can we take a moment to talk about how I basically have the music taste of a teen girl mixed with a gay man? Not to say all teen girls and gay men are the same, but if you had to generalize, THAT WOULD BE MY TASTE.

Isn't that like if the Virgin Suicides girls didn't kill themselves, but grew up to make music and had to record their music videos on their laptop and send them off to YouTube since they could never leave the house mixed with that Johnny Cash video for "Hurt"? Um...aka MY FAVORITE THING EVER.

3. Facebook quote of the day: "I wouldn't normally trust a blog called CELESTIAL TWINKLE but what you just said seems pretty accurate."

4. Speaking of Facebook, my page pretty much looks like a cat memorial. Most recent photo posted is:

My amazing friend, Nikki printed out her favorite photo of my deceased cat and attached it to some sage for me. We are beyond mild. We both cried under my orange tree last night. But a mild girl's gotta do what a mild girl's gotta do...

5. Speaking of which, I pretty much just wrote an epic eulogy for my cat. But it's so personal, it would mildly bring you all to tears, so...

6. Changing the subject, have you all seen the video footage of Ryan Gosling BREAKING UP A FIGHT?

Go here if you haven't.

As if the man couldn't be any hotter. He's pretty much a superhero. And his arms are mildly insane. Definition of HUBBA?

7. How's this for mild: some of my best friends are getting married and I'm stuck in that single girl predicament. You know, the one where it SUCKS to go to a wedding alone, but it's even worse to ask someone you aren't really dating TO GO TO A WEDDING WITH YOU. It's really a lose-lose until the magic of the Open Bar kicks in.

8. Most mild Google search currently in my Browser history: "Remedies for swollen eyelids from crying too much". WOW.

9. Two more days until THIS hell is over.

10. You know what's mild? Sending out Thank You letters/cards. There is really just nothing more mild than that. I'm not even going to explain it to you. MILD.

11. Second most mild Google search currently in my Browser history: "How to delete a web cookie". O.M.G.

12. Not to dwell, but I totally inquired how much it would be to bury Earl IN THE L.A. PET CEMETERY. Way to take it to the mild edge, right? Unfortunately, they weren't very friendly to me (maybe they are understaffed?) and I like the idea of this little cat being with that the ultimate Mild way to freak prospective dates out? CAT ASHES.

13. Mild trait I am trying desperately to rid myself of: Googling prospective date's ex's. Like seriously. WORST INTERNET MASOCHISM EVER. If someone could hypnotize me to never Google someone's ex again, that would be awesome.

14. You know what's mildly creepy? That the cousin of someone I went on an online date with LOOKS AT MY ONLINE DATING PROFILE PRACTICALLY EVERY OTHER DAY. I don't want to keep in the family, dude. Please mildly back away.

And speaking of online dating. Similar to real life dating, it has made me afraid of certain things. I am now afraid of men in their 20s BECAUSE THEY ARE CRAZY. And I am also afraid of men in their 30s BECAUSE THEY ARE CRAZY. I am thinking that I have to find a guy that is always the same age as me. Like, we pretty much have to have the same birthday because surely, if he falls one year older or younger than me for even just an hour, HE'LL BE CRAZY.

Sigh. This coming from "I've got three angels visiting me for the weekend."

Seriously mild LOL/OMG/WTF. I'm like a Readers Digest come to life.

I am also fearful of men with Black and White online dating profile pictures. I seriously have online dating PTSD. It's now a very specific kind of guy I will allow into my InBox.

15. Switching over to men I am not afraid will be crazy and ruin my life: hairdressers and massage therapists. I got the best blowout of my life on Sunday night from a man with a yellow poof of hair on his head. I want to marry him. And today, I got the kind of massage that leads to Sex and the City plots from a handsome, buff man WHO USED TO BE IN THE NAVY. Mildly just what I needed.

16. Not to bring us back to depths of my mild despair, but it's pretty weird to all of the sudden not be a pet owner after 3 years. I'm going to have to train myself to not think it's time to buys really $$$ cat food that I can only get at 3 random stores that all close at 7pm and aren't open on Mondays. I guess I won't miss that, but it's mildly bizarre and will take some time getting used to.

17. Are you ready for a huge dose of mild? Tomorrow night, I'm going to spend the evening making TISSUE PAPER FLOWERS for my friend's wedding? She promised alcohol.

18. You know what's mildly annoying? People dating people with the same name as them. Like seriously, I don't even want to know another Cathy much less date one. I'm talking all genders btw.

Yours in mildness,

No comments:

Post a Comment

Quiet: I'm sleeping!