For Hallows Eve, In honor of what scares me, a guest blog entry by the somewhat legendary Donna White (the artist formerly known as Muffie White)
Boo!!!!!
by: Donna White
Dear Girls Gone Mild,
I'm one of you.
and:
I'm reporting to you live from my one bedroom apartment, where the 1970s still resides all between the boundaries of brown/"cream" marbled carpet, faux Spanish linoleum kitchen floors, and a glitterati popcorn ceiling. I chose to live here over five years ago because of its unique charm (think: I live inside of a well-maintained yet partially tattered vintage handbag) and to escape untidy Portland housemate life and dramas (read: I'm a bit OCD about how the home stays clean). Here I still reside, alone, but warm, happy, and very mild.
I used to be a teenage to college-age Riot Grrrl, complete with a liberal arts degree and guest list entrances to shows. I carried a blue canvas Cabbage Patch Kid doll-head tote bag and published a fanzine called
My New Gun
.
Now, I study Economics by night, am an Accounting Manager at a local business, and hope to become a CPA, one day. An art student turned business woman/Accountant. My childhood role model was Murphy Brown (played by Candice Bergen), after all. I still dress the part of an
early thirties hipster though no longer spend nights out dancing and cajoling. I did wear an electric blue, windsuit/jumpsuit (but, let's call it a romper for the sake of 2011) to work a few weeks ago. I'm too legit to quit, not to brag or anything. Sometimes I miss dancing... note to self: Dance more in 2012.
I was born in January of 1979, and share a birthday with such greats as Dolly Parton and Cindy Sherman.
Sometimes I worry that my friends and co-workers might get in cahoots with "What Not to Wear" and send me to New York for recovery time with Stacy and Clinton. They'd tear apart my closet! I wouldn't object, actually. Just a few weeks ago whilst sweating to the beat at my Zumba class (think: Portland version of Cathy/L.A.'s YOGA BOOTY BALLET!), I spotted a young woman who looked so un-hipster in dress, yet so cute/great. Totally made me question my entire style and wardrobe at that moment. Perhaps I too should get a shoulder-length haircut, neatly wear Nikes to the gym along with my modern Nike outfit. I do like the tailored look, though I know that I
might become a bit antsy in a daily suit from time to time. Or perhaps not... (Here Cathy who is editing thi wants to tell Donna about how she thinks Bette Midler is the ultimate rocker of all things tailored lady suit. Go ahead GOOGLE IT.)
Ladies and Gentleman, I leave you with the following image:
Me dressed as a PUNK for Halloween 1987 (age 8, 3rd grade)
Keeping it real in Portland, over and in for the night,
Donna xoxo
1. I am trying to give up crushing on a mild man who doesn't seem interested, though occasionally I have really mild thoughts in my head like "I WOULD LOVE HIM SO HARD!" Hahahaha. Not even "I would sex him up, etc." but "I WOULD LOVE HIM SO HARD" thoughts. Ha. I am nuts.
2. I spent this weekend putting together the manuscript for a really mild vs. unmild first NOVEL of mine. Isn't that crazy? If you knew me personally and knew the sheer volume of what I can write on any given day, given the opportunity, it actually would seem crazy I hadn't written TEN NOVELS much less one, but if anyone knows any mild publishers, please send them my way. Mildly pretty please.
And if you're curious what I looked like this morning after BINGING on my own art-making it was pretty much the mild version of this:
3. I think I might stay in Texas for this New Year's Eve. There's no point in trying to pretend my L.A. life is cool and that I might actually have something fun to do here. MILDLY THE TRUTH.
4. So, I'm thinking if I either start making my own ice cream flavors or join an ice cream of the month club, SOMEONE NEEDS TO JUST SHOOT ME.
5. My friend, Elka is mildly amazing and started watching some of my short films and scanned some HANDWRITTEN FEEDBACK for me on a Saturday night:
My friends are mildly the most amazing people in the universe.
6. I really want to see PUSS IN BOOTS. There, I said it. MILD!!!
7. On my way home from work Friday night, I didn't just buy a printer on a Friday night, I got Staples to PRICE MATCH Best Buy's price. I was mildly out of printer control.
8. Have I ever told you who one of my favorite filmmakers/animators is? JODIE MACK!
Seriously. It made me teary eyed at work yesterday.
I share it with you because I am mildly single, a teeny bit sad about being single anytime there is a holiday weekend (shout out to Halloween) and I'm a bit stressed about all the projects I'm working on which is great that I'm working on so many projects UNTIL THE ALONE-TYPE-SADNESS seeps in. Which it does, until I push it out again.
Was that mildly too much?!
Enjoy this song/video. Get your mild tears out now because we've all got work to do.
Sorry to be TMI, but I am currently at home doubled-over in pain courtesy of cramps (awesome) while my amazing friend, Joshua Ploeg otherwise known as the Traveling Vegan Chef makes vegan churros in my studio apartment kitchen. (That's just a hint of what's to come.)
I am writing to tell you that we are essentially having a PARTY tonight in Koreatown (ample free parking) and there will be free pizza (9pm), free amazing normally $$$ BUT FREE vegan snacks courtesy of Joshua every hour on the hour beginning at 10pm tonight at Blipsy Barcade, 369 N. Western Ave. Cross street is Oakwood. Right next to the laundromat.
Christene and I have been doing this night, ALMOST PARADISE for 13 months now (!) and it's time to free up our schedules a bit and say goodbye to this particular night, so it's an extra special night for us.
We'll hope that you'll join us.
Blipsy is a bar that if you've never been, belongs to our good friends who you definitely need to check out. It's cash only, but they have LOTS of $5 and LESS drink specials tonight and lots and lots of old school arcade games you'll need quarters for (or at least dollar bills they can give you change for).
Below is the DJ schedule if you care to check out any particular friend of ours playing tunes.
I'm going to pass out in physical pain now, but hope to see you this evening. And spread the word. It'll be a good time.
Love,
Cathy
• 09:00 - Patrick Miller!
• 09:30 - Christene Kings!
• 10:00 - Me!
• 10:30 - Annie Gimas!
• 11:00 - Jeff Galvan!
• 11:30 - Liz Barker!
• 12:00 - Pati Pan Dulce!
• 12:30 - Oscar Santos!
• 01:00 - Christene and me!!
1. I really want to see the movie 50/50. Is that mild enough?
2. It's probably not the smoothest operator move of me to send links to online news articles about apartment-murders to my neighbor-crush. MILD BAD MOVE.
3. Have I ever told you that for my 21st birthday, I didn't drink any alcohol? Instead I had a TEA PARTY. I invited a million people over to my house and we drank all sorts of herbal and caffeinated tea and ate cucumber sandwiches and I was essentially wearing a pink tutu and when everyone left by MIDNIGHT, I watched SEX AND THE CITY with my female housemates before taking a 3:30am shuttle to the airport to visit my parents. WHUT. That is even too mild for me now.
4. Mild confession: I DON'T THINK I LOVE RYAN GOSLING. All appeal is lost after dating a SEMI "pretty boy" recently. Fact: Ryan Gosling is a PRETTY BOY! OTHER FACT: I don't think pretty boys know their way around the bedroom!!! MILDLY ALL I CAN THINK AFTER SEEING THIS:
Look at him next to her! He is such an awkward boy-dork. I CAN'T STAND IT!
And this photo just about drove me mad:
Um he looked at the outfit and SHOES she was wearing and thought "I think it would be really romantic if we went for a hike." NO HE DIDN'T!!! Dork, y'all! 100% FOR REAL DORK!!!
Public plea to Eva: I know he is really handsome, but he must, he must be MILD IN THE BEDROOM and Eva, IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!! Walk away, Eva, WALK AWAY.
Sorry if I'm mildly projecting, but I just have a really mild feeling about him...
5. You know what else is mild? GRAPHIC NOVELS.
6. True mild story: I actually went to THIS site after reading the following article:
OK, it's not really called All the MILD ladies, but we all know it might as well be.
Seriously. My new fortune cookie game is to add NOT ACCORDING TO "ALL THE SINGLE LADIES" to almost everything.
Example: "You're gonna find someone great, I know. Maybe just not right away... In the mean time you have the rest of us who love you!!"...NOT ACCORDING TO ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!
Mild sigh.
7. It's October 2011 and I still don't have an iPhone. MILD.
8. I got rejected not once BUT TWICE from a publication aimed at teen girls. MILDLY HORRIFIC that a) they rejected me or b) I APPLIED...twice!!!
9. This blog post by Kathleen Hanna is not mild at all:
Answering my mail today has put the modicum of renewed interest in all things RG into perspective for me. It’s about connection. It’s about the moment when you realize that you maybe the only person who gets that something is wrong in your classroom but you aren’t the only person in the world who gets it.
--K.H.
Mild secret: I used to be one of those 13-year old girls writing Kathleen from Texas for this very reason. Now I am 30 writing this blog from California. I mildly made it outta there.
10. This month's horoscope was mildly right about the last week. People really are breaking up or taking it to the next level. Everyone I know is either BREAKING UP or HAVING A BABY. Mildly not sure how I feel about any of it.
11. I am thinking about using my mother's maiden name hyphenated with my father's last name for the next artist stage of my life. But I am afraid everyone will think I got MILDLY MARRIED. Just kidding. NO ONE WILL EVER THINK THAT.
12. Mild new/old crush: CHRISTOPHER GUEST! Who knew. WHO KNEW!
13. I finally deleted my online dating profile.
Not because I found the love of my life, but because I have had about a billion dates (OK, granted all with the same 5 mild dudes) scattered across the last six months and none of them have worked out. Like, REALLY not worked out. Like, maybe scarred me emotionally not worked out. But I'm glad I did it I GUESS. And maybe I'll do it again someday, though HOPEFULLY NOT as did I mention it has been QUITE TRAUMATIC. But seriously, the one thing all the dates had in common was that none of these "gentlemen" actually wanted a mild companion. They wanted to:
a) disappear for a month and then pop back into my life again = MILDLY SKETCHY
b) not get to know me at all, but talk about themselves, see movies together and/or sleep together
c) be my friend, my crazy, mildly REALLY crazy friend
d) have sex with me
e) have mild sex with me
MILDLY OVER IT. For real this time.
But if the one thing this last almost-relationship taught me was that I don't even want a relationship right now and I especially don't want a mild-relationship. I want the real deal and I'm not going to look for it anymore because the real deal only happens when you're (*NOTE: Pep talk approaching) real with yourself so that's what I'm going back to focusing on. Dating has been such a mild distraction from all that's actually important in my life.
But mild F YOU to the letter B on that above list. Seriously. Actually, I dedicate this mild song to you:
(I bet that's what Eva secretly sings to Ryan Gosling! Ha.)
14. I might have to take a mild break from tarot card readers because the last one I had was too right on and the thing is, when we already mildly know, we already mildly know. We don't need to ask a stranger to look at some cards and tell us. And we especially don't need to pay someone for it.
15. On Sunday night, I went to an AMAZING talk by Jack Halberstam and realized that FAILURE might be the brother/sister to MILD!
What a mild revelation!
16. You want to talk about mild? My Dad (actually I think it was my sister accidentally logged in through my Dad's email account, but for the mild purposes of this story, we'll pretend it was my Dad) sent me THIS article:
Seeing something like that from MY DAD in my INBOX totally brought back memories of when he tried to get me to read THE RULES when I was in high school.
Some things never change. LIKE ME STILL BEING SINGLE.
Kidding. (But seriously, the single jokes never get old. DO THEY?!)
17. I have even started Tweeting things like this:
"How many single girls does it take to change a lightbulb? ONE." Get it.
18. Also, does it make me inescapably mild that I've been dreaming of the University of Iowa's Writer's Workshop for like FIFTEEN YEARS NOW?! Can it really be that good?! Shhh. Don't wake me up from this mild dream.
19. Today, I told an early 20-something volunteer "Don't get old. When I turned 25, I could no longer experience all-nighters the way I used to and now that I'm 30, I have knee and lower back pain. DON'T GET OLD." She looked at me like I was mildly...OLD.
"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore."
